Never sext with someone who is not your partner? Followed by an ex on social media? Secrets shared with a "working spouse"? Many women would say that it's cheating, an exclusive poll Men's Health .
Of course, a gender gap has emerged: women are more likely than men to call cheating. (There is even a term for these less flagrant forms of cheating: the microcheat.)
What is clear: covetousness and temptation are eternal, and modern life makes it easier to succumb. Of course, sex and oral sex are considered cheating by almost 100% of men and women. To kiss? Yes, for 95% of women and 81% of men, it is cheating.
But beyond that, it's complicated.
Related: 7 things other than sex Women count as cheating
There is a new reflection on why we cross the line in a real deal. Psychotherapist Esther Perel attacks mythology in her new book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Unfaithfulness . Such as: that a case means that the relationship is bad – or the cheater is. The motive is often an aspiration to a lost part of your identity. "It's not so much that we're looking for another person," she notes in a TED Talk, "as much as we're looking for another individual." From other myths, she tells us: that men cheat by boredom and that a marriage can never recover from infidelity.
Marty Klein, Ph.D., a Californian therapist for over 30 years, says that many of his patients want to make conjugal sex as exciting as the sex of the case. "This is not a realistic comparison," he says. But you can learn cheats. Treat your partner as a partner: Get ready for sex (prioritize, visualize), be present (savor), embrace novelty (break your normal routine), and make your partner feel attractive, desired and excited
secretly Robert Weiss, LCSW, author of Out of the Dog House, you are secretly doing something meaningful that your partner does not want you to do. We asked 1,600 men and 800 women what behaviors cheat. Beyond the evidence (sexual, oral), opinions vary. So ask your partner.