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John is very happy, and I'm happy for him, although I'm stopping to say what I really have in mind: Happy to be your medical diagnostic device! I do not want to ruin the moment. John uses sex with me as a barometer of his health. My husband has aortic stenosis, a narrowing of the opening of the aortic valve, which means that the blood flow of the left ventricle from his heart to his aorta is restricted. It's very common and very serious, but serviceable. The problem, in a sense, is that it has not had a problem. Over the past 5 years, the block has gone from mild to moderate to severe, and now, in recent weeks, to "critical". Still, he had no shortness of breath or chest pain. And with respect to blood flow, well, it's a bit mysterious. Other parts of his body have problems, but in one way or another, his penis writes checks that the rest can not cash.
John uses sex with me as a barometer of his health
a balance between risks and rewards, and surgeons like to find that spot between "He's critical" and "Oh my God, he's gone." " The symptoms are really helpful: Those with aortic stenosis who do not show symptoms often do not know that they have a problem and simply flip over.
Here are 5 signs that your heart could be in trouble:
A former gym rat who had to stop training because of arthritic knees, John now uses sex as a barometer of his health. But I do not want to have sex. Or rather, I do not want to make love during this precarious period. Two words: Nelson Rockefeller. Remember how he is supposed to be dead? Maybe you do it, maybe not, but in some circles, one remembers better his death, which occurred by being "active" with his mistress, than what he has done in life, including being vice president of the United States and governor of New York.
Of course, people say, "What a great way to go!" Maybe for him. But think of the woman. Is this the visual you would like to wear for the rest of your life? After the shock of her death, I bet her friends would say, "Well, you were so good that …" And she would laugh and then replay the scene to herself again and again: The last time someone One would see one of the most powerful political figures and philanthropists of that time. No thanks.
PLUS: 9 things you can do before sex to make it even more incredible
My politeness often puts me in trouble. The words that I should have said to John in recent months are: "No way, you scare me, old goat. Instead, I think I said, "Honey, maybe we should wait a little before the surgery? Of course, John insisted that I calm my fears by running the idea after his cardiologist. I made the mistake of asking her over the phone, because if we had all been sitting in the same room, she could have seen my wild head and Nooo's pantomime behind John's back. Instead, she said, "Sure, it should be fine, as long as you do all the work."
PLUS: 40% of heart attacks in women under 50 are due to this condition that you have never heard from
So now: (a) A doctor whom I respect was reproaching about these adorable old people, and (b) I had to put aside my fears and to sleep with a man who has a serious heart problem. "And listen, is not it wonderful that at 82 and in the middle of all this he still wants!" she added brilliantly. I wanted to tell him, but not, that he was lying about his age to me and everyone for our entire wedding, and I just found out that he's actually 84 years old. But that would make it more wonderful, so I kept my mouth shut
Faced with his own mortality, my husband turned to Eros. It's a wonderful thing. . . In theory
When in a moment of exasperation I mentioned Nelson Rockefeller to John, he was not discouraged. "But you see, he died with his shoes," said John. I stared at him. "He was in a hurry," John continued, as if it would immediately clear up any confusion. "It was the rush that killed him, not the sex."
PLUS: 4 things that happen to your vagina when you stop making love
While we are planning the surgery that should take place in the next few weeks John continues barometrying his room during that I close my eyes and try to block a disturbing thought that consists in replacing it in his clothes while waiting for the hearse to appear.
But let me say this: Freud has persuasively written the human struggle between Thanatos and Eros, the characteristics that propel us toward death – aggression, violence, destruction – or towards creativity , love and the sexuality of life. Facing his own mortality, my husband turned to Eros. It's a wonderful thing. . .in theory. Now, if only I could learn to approach this time in our lives with joy instead of a blood pressure cuff.